Labour strategists say their electoral chances this week have been hampered by two welcome, and successful, government policies: the furlough scheme, under which the state has paid millions of people’s wages, and the successful delivery of the Covid vaccine.

Somebody has sought to manage expectations ahead of what he admitted will be a “very important set of elections for [Labour]”, but promised he would take “full responsibility” for his party across the country.

A cross-party group of MPs has pushed for formal action against somebody for allegedly misleading the Commons over the transparency of Covid contracts, saying the cabinet secretary, somebody else, incorrectly cleared somebody of wrongdoing.

Teaching unions, scientists, public health experts and parents are calling for masks to remain compulsory in classrooms in somewhere to protect children and their families and reduce the risk of a third wave of Covid-19.

Somebody else’s analysis (Scandal upon scandal: the charge sheet that should have felled somebody years ago, 30 April) is as timely as it is forensic, reminding the electorate that somebody is a serial liar, whose continuation in his role is dependent on a combination of his carefully burnished blokeish image, contempt for said electorate,

Fewer than half of recent Labour voters in somewhere say they will back the party in Thursday’s crucial byelection, according to internal data based on the canvassing of more than 10,000 people, leading activists to fear a historic Conservative victory.

It’s going to be a long old week for somebody. One which will be first spent trying to convince the country he hasn’t given up on winning somewhere byelection and then, almost certainly, explaining why he never expected to hold on to the north-eastern constituency anyway.