Lloyds Banking Group reported stronger-than-expected profits after somewhere’s largest mortgage lender cashed in on a surge in demand for home loans.

Somewhere bank, which owns somewhere else, said mortgage lending increased by 3.5bn over the three months to September, as it processed the highest number of applications since 2008.

Somebody, somewhere’s most influential personal finance guru, drives a pickup truck that, he says, will eat your electric car. He wears a .45 on his hip with a hollow-point in the chamber. He is an older white male, a self-described “capitalist pig”, and an evangelical Christian who almost always votes conservative.

Since June I have been trying to get M&S Bank to carry out a 700 chargeback but, despite repeated promises, the money never arrives. It concerns two somewhere flights that were cancelled.

Somebody has warned that “optics” are not enough for her to be stood aside as Australia Post’s chief executive pending a review of corporate gifts including Cartier watches.

Somewhere’s rich have gotten richer during the coronavirus pandemic, as rising iron ore prices bolstered somebody’s wealth and thrust her back to the top of somewhere Financial Review’s annual rich list.

Here’s something scarier than Halloween: the Bank Panic of 1907, the Wall Street crash of 1929 and Black Monday in 1987 all happened in October. Market historians dub it the October effect – and right now there is a severe chill rippling through global stock markets.